Well this year has been a rollercoaster, to say the least.
I’ll be glad to see the back of 2020, much like everyone else. So many things just seemed to fall apart (humanity, being one of them), and I found myself stuck in a loop of staying inside, walking the dog, and staying inside; which I actually really loved, but the monotony of life did a number on my creative stamina.
I honestly thought, at the start of lockdown, that I’d have so much free time I’d be able to do all the things. I’d be able to do all the working out, all the cleaning, all the writing and the video making and generally be productive as hell. Naturally, I was wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the time, but I realised quite quickly into the pandemic that I didn’t want to do any of those things. I didn’t want to write blog posts, or make videos, or write novels. I couldn’t even really bring myself to read many books, which is crazy for me!
In order to bring some positivity to this blog post I have to say I did have some great times during lockdown. I got to work from home, which was a blessing – hello not spending money to get to work – and got to spend more time with my boyfriend and my dog. I’ve watched lots of TV shows and movies, I’ve perfected my pasta recipe and now love making fresh vegan pasta as much as possible, I’ve learnt so much about myself and what I like and don’t like just by getting to slow down. So even though this year has been difficult (I do quite miss my friends and family a lot), it’s been a bit of a silver-lining year.
With all of the revelations of my life, I’ve also come to realise how much I don’t want to blog anymore. I am really more interested in making more videos instead, and with a heavy-ish heart, I’m going to take a step away from this blog next year. And probably for the rest of time, we’ll see.
I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and the reason I’ve tried to keep posting every now and then is out of a fondness for the space I’ve made here on the internet, and the friends I’ve made writing silly little blog posts over the years. Sadly, the bloggersphere is overtaken with really professional, monetised blogs which churn out so much content I can neither try or want to keep up with them! For a little bit of time I considered trying to make money from this blog, because it seemed like that was what I was supposed to do… but it goes so against my grain, to promote products when I don’t think anyone really needs to buy more stuff, and it goes against my need to be creative by turning writing posts into a job (when I already have three), that each time I wrote, or thought about writing a post, I felt even more put off.
Hopefully this all makes sense. It’s difficult to put my feelings into words, especially written words, that I think this will sound a bit whiny and boring even after editing!
Next year, and the years after, the only things I want to focus on which will be on the internet will be releasing self-published books, getting an agent to publish books in the conventional route, and running my online bookshop. I don’t feel like anything else is worth my energy – my whole life has been geared towards writing and books and at this time in my life, anything else seems pointless. Hopefully this doesn’t sound too negative, because really it’s a super positive thing. I’m finally realising that my dreams and goals are attainable and I want to focus on them!
I started blogging way back when I was a teenager, writing about my life and my dreams. I have been trying to figure out what I want from life for so long and then when I realised what that was I thought I wanted to keep blogging about how I was going after said dreams, but actually, now I’ in my 30’s, I kind of want to just go after them without having to document them!
So, goodbye 2020, and goodbye Pretty Thoughtful Blog! I’ll still be on Instagram (thinking of changing my name over there in January), and I’ll still make Youtube videos every now and then, but for now this blog is going dormant.
Thank you to anyone who has kept up with it in the past and to anyone who has sent me messages, comments etc. Hope to see you elsewhere in the near future!