I won’t lie; I am terrible for staying curled up inside my bubble. Always walking the same routes, doing the same things, staying on the same trajectory. I think, for most people, that’s a reality isn’t it?
That being said I have this love/hate relationship with doing things I don’t normally do. When I say love/hate I really mean I love doing it but I get that anxiety of the ‘otherness’ of things. Luckily I am very aware of my own emotions and so anxiety, whilst a bitch, doesn’t stop me from doing most things. I get the same feeling of anxiety walking to the doctor’s office that I get when I’m doing something scarier [like making a call to someone in work who I know is going to shout at me *shudder*].
I barely left the house, barely did anything, in the past week because I’ve been unwell. I still am unwell but my lungs are working again so movement is no longer restricted. With the joy of being able to walk without wheezing I took my re-claimed freedom and drove somewhere I’d never driven before on a road I’ve always avoided; the motorway.
Most people don’t have an issue with the motorway. I have honestly never had a cause to use it and so I’ve built up this resistance in my mind; a mental block which told me NO. CAN. DO.
Of course that was just me being stuck on the same track for so long so I did what I do when something scares me – I did it, without thinking.
My coping mechanism is to prepare for whatever it is I’m worried about and then trick myself into NOT thinking about it. Don’t think, just do.
It works for me and I always like to tell myself it will be over at some point. I like to imagine future-Sam already where she is supposed to be and I’m just catching up. If she’s already done it I just need to catch up – No biggie!
I like doing things that scare me because it means I get that glorious sense of accomplishment at the end. I like to go outside of my comfort zone because that’s where I feel scared and alive at the same time, y’know?