I never lose my love of writing or my love of living but I do sometimes lose the love of sharing those things with other people.
Recently I became overwhelmed with just how much of my life I share; whether it be out in the ‘real world’ or in here on your computer screen. It just all seemed to bleed into a giant splodge of ink that, in true Rorschach form, appeared to me like a straight jacket.
Creatively I’ve been running wild- I’ve never felt so in tune with my inner-writer and planning future projects, even only in my mind, is going very well. That being said I found myself shrinking away from everyone I normally share things with. Unplugging became the norm and plugging back in started getting more difficult.
In no way, shape or form do I think it’s a bad thing to do but I am a natural sharer of ideas and I love social creative outlets like the Internet so this big step back left me wondering what was going on.
I suppose the big thing I’ve always struggled with when writing blogs and recording videos for public consumption isn’t just ‘why’ but ‘for who?’. No matter which way I looked at it I wasn’t happy with the answer. If I was just doing it for myself was there any point? If I was just doing it for other people what did that say about my previously assumed over-reaching self esteem?
What I’ve decided is that for every project I work on for myself I’ll create a portion for others that will mean I’m sharing in the truest form I can imagine. Art is difficult to place in the world, even this post seems utterly self-absorbed but, at the same time, I can’t help but hope that someone read this and find a sense of understanding for their own lives. A little voice inside your head that might link us for a second like when two wave lengths become one; pitch perfect.
It’s early to start making new year resolutions. I’m not one of those people who roll their eyes at them, like I roll my eyes at most things, because I love the idea that every 365 days we get to hit ‘reset’.
My hope is that come the new year I’ll have had enough time to think about where this blog is going. In the meantime, thanks for reading this – even if it was just me re-reading my own words. You’re a doll.